Fifty may seem like TMI* about me, but it had to be fifty, because babydolls, this is my freakin’ 50th blog post! You heard that right! FIFTEEE. Gimme my five seconds of legit gloating.
Now, let’s move on.
I need to start with a Disclaimer – If you meet me and ask me if any of this is true or wish for me to divulge more saucy stuff, know that I’m going to pretend to not know you. Just sayin’.
Let’s get the basics out of the way.
I am 32 years old, a single child, and have spent most of my life in Bangalore, India. I’m a post-grad in Molecular Genetics from the University of Leicester, UK. I’ve been married to my college sweetheart for almost 8 years, and have a restless two-year-old to show for it. I’m a terribly impatient mom — saying that I’m selfish maybe taking it too far, but I wasn’t meant to be a mom (not everyone is), which means it takes some serious mind and muscle work for me to be a good one. My toddler doesn’t bully boys, doesn’t bang-up girls, doesn’t do drugs and doesn’t watch porn. Yet. So I guess, I’m doing okay-ish. For now.
50 random facts about ME
I wore braces till I was seventeen. I’m glad no boys wanted to kiss me until then.
The first time I coloured my hair, I had a mix of purple and light brown streaks. Yes, I thought it was cool.
When I was pregnant with my son, I had a recurring dream of delivering a baby boy who looked exactly like Shivraj Kumar (no offence intended). So, when people tell me that my son doesn’t resemble me but my husband, I’m almost grateful for it.
In Kindergarten, a boy named Alok wrote ‘I LOVE YOU’ on the first page of my notebook. I was really angry that he had destroyed my notebook. Completely missed the point there.
The evening before I went to watch Bryan Adams live for the very first time, I sang his songs for 2 hours (okay, more than 2) in my angelic voice at my bestie’s house. Her parents are kind people; they didn’t throw me out.
You know how everybody has a song. Mine is ‘Let it be’ by the Beatles. Makes me happy and sad at the same time.
**I have done no crazy things in my life (yet). I’m always safe, prepared and skeptical. Sometimes, beyond reason. I’m working on it.
People look at my face and think I’m a bitch. My confidence often comes across as arrogance. This is a statistic inference from first impressions data that I have collected over the years.
I thought I was in love at sixteen, with the college playboy who never ever looked at me once. Hiss loss, not mine.
I once fed an entire box of crayons to Jimmy, the dachshund — my grandma’s pet. He obediently gobbled it all up.
My biggest pet peeve through my growing years was hair that would fall in front on my ears, no matter how hard I tried to tug it behind. I guess it was a subtle expression of my beauty blogger genes.
I still haven’t found my perfect pair of jeans.
My first kiss was messy, uncomfortable and not at all magical. But in time, practice made perfect.
I wore only one pair of really comfortable platform heels throughout my pregnancy and the year that followed. I still have those shoes.
The saris and blouses in my wardrobe are always arranged by colour. It kills me to see a purple amongst the pinks.
I often mix two languages when I speak. I’m aware its annoying.
I hate public speaking. It gives me the nerves. I can hold a conversation, but not a forum.
I always walk slightly oblique. It’s painful for those who walk next to me. But, I can’t help it.
However, I can draw a pretty accurate straight line free hand. Not that you would care.
If I could live anywhere in the world, I would live in London.
I once read the Roget’s Thesaurus end to end. True story.
My daily affirmations almost always include ‘I will own a Classic Chanel Flap in navy soft leather with silver hardware’. I’m talking about a bag, in case you were wondering.
I was once gifted a ‘cauliflower’ for Valentine’s day (cauli-‘flower’, get it?). I’m not sure if it was meant to be a joke or if I was being made a joke of.
I got all my sex education from my two best guy friends. I still prefer discussing sex lives with them rather than my girlfriends — gives me a fresh perspective on things.
I can live on bread, all day, every day. Ironically, I’m gluten sensitive.
I don’t watch television. Never did.
I have an incurable fetish for fairy lights, rickshaws (prints, models, anything!) and lipsticks.
I once had a really bad trip after drinking some ‘bhang’ (buds and leaves of cannabis crushed and added to sweetened milk with nuts and spices, legally sold in many parts of India). I realized I’m not made for this stuff (Refer to point 7 with **).
In college, my zoology professor would showcase my record book diagrams to the entire lab class and say creepy stuff like ‘Look at her curves. They are beautiful!’ Eeks. I can’t possibly make up stuff like this!
We all know our best angles. I’m not mad about my right side. I always pose on my left.
I am an Aquarian (born 25th January) by the book. If Linda Goodman needed her words to be personified, I’d be the perfect candidate for the spot.
I go nowhere without my crossbody bag. I had a Satya Paul one which I wore for so long that it had become a part of my personality (friends had started calling her ‘bagvati’). I have the same one in a different colour now. Yeah, I can be boring.
I can’t blow a balloon. No hidden double meaning in there.
Even at my fattest, I could lock all my fingers behind my back. I’m not pretzel-flexible but I’m generally quite okay. You guys need to stop visualizing. I said STOP.
I painted a life-size ‘tree of life’ on our living room wall in our previous home as a form of mental release when I was going through a rough time being a first-time mother. I’ve never felt so peaceful as I did when I was painting it.
I hate pineapples on pizzas. I’d rather have a piña colada.
I have travel anxiety. I never fall asleep the night before.
Show me roller coasters and anything with G-forces in it and I just scram. So much for being a fighter pilot’s wife.
I’m a homebody, a plant mommy and a cushion hoarder. Sometimes I can be the award-winning wet blanket. But, I like my space.
One time, me and my (most notorious) girlfriend, finished a whole bottle of wine (belonging to someone else, at that someone’s house, when that someone wasn’t home) in less than 20 minutes. We mixed the last bit with some yogurt because we wanted to see how it tasted. Bad idea. I’m yet to return a bottle of wine to this phenomenal human.
My favourite colour is Rose Quartz, Pantone colour of the year 2016. I dream of owning a Kitchen Aid Artisan Stand Mixer in this colour.
Eating clean, sugar-free, gluten-free, home-made food is the biggest challenge I face every single day. But, every time I feel weak-willed I scroll down Kayla Itsines IG page, and the motivation returns. Anyway, as the genius blogger Mark Manson writes in his book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck‘, this is one of those ‘good problems’ in life, the ones that you enjoy giving a f*ck about.
I find table manners annoying. I love eating with my hands, licking my fingers and making happy noises when I’m enjoying my meal. I’m a boring adult in all other respects.
I sucked at physics. I never understood circuits, right hand/left hand rules and what not. So imagine my horror when we had a not-so-small electrical fire in our previous house! Electrical fire — two words that made me feel like Sandra Bullock in Gravity — lost in space.
I believe in the magic of the law of attraction. I believe that I attract everything that’s beautiful in my life right now. Beautiful people, beautiful things and beautiful thoughts. It all began in my head.
We move every other year (as do all defence personnel) and we carry our world in our 8 custom-made steel trunks. My trunks have names, and so do their corresponding locks and keys. They are named after some of my favourite fictional characters — Minion (smallest in size), King Julien, Wall-E, Dexter, Ikran, Snowy, Maximus, and Calvin.
I have a 5 cent coin in my wallet since my post grad days in the UK. It reminds me of how tough life as a student can be for someone earning in rupees and spending in pounds. It reminds me that frugality can teach you some of the most important lessons in life.
I literally have only five close friends. I’m content with my little tribe of nonsense people.
When I type on my computer, I visualize being ‘Carrie’ from SATC. Best. Series. Ever.
I have fallen in love only twice.
Happy to leave you with some food for thought. And that’s fifty weird things about me that you don’t really care about.
*TMI stands for too much information
Until blog post 51 and fifty thousand after that, XOXO! Thank you for sticking by me, you know I love you.