I turn 32 today. And, I’m proud to say that with every passing year I manage to focus on the more positive aspects of my life. The last 3 years have felt like a long gruesome decade (tough pregnancy, baby, moving 3 homes etc etc). But, last year I began this blog, and it brought so much joy, hope and positivity into my world. Nothing and nobody can ever pull me down from the little online nest that I have created for myself.
On that note (and at the risk of feeling vulnerable), in today’s post, I would like to talk about how I deal with negativity and judgement as a blogger who is taking her nascent steps and throwing herself to the wolves on the world-wide web. How I remember to focus on why I do what I do and understand that no matter how hard I try, I can’t please everyone.
After a lot of inner work, dealing with apprehensions and developing self-awareness, these are the lessons that have helped me sustain my sanity.
Fear of judgement is that one thing that always comes in the way of us being the best versions of ourselves. We may want to achieve something, go somewhere, become someone – but we are afraid of being mocked at, criticised or judged. Mostly, we doubt ourselves based on how we are perceived by others. Deep within, we know that we are bigger than our dreams, that we are capable of change but our alter egos are often victims of social disapproval. Not caring is a life skill we are never taught. When you truly stop caring about what people think of you or say about you, you have reached a dangerously awesome level of freedom. Now you can make it happen and shock everyone!
There is nothing vain, narcissistic or superfluous about marketing you skills – whether your skill is a product, a service or just you. Bloggers, Instagrammers and many social influencers are their own brands. It’s okay to sell yourself like you would a shampoo. It’s okay to project your best moments, your best angles, your best skills in the most romantic, fairy tale manner. Spending time and money on yourself when you are your own model, is smart not stupid. It is not an expense but an investment in yourself. As long as you remember where you come from and stay grounded, your confidence can be your best mate. Haters will hate your confidence, but remember they are haters because you have something they want.
You are not responsible for how people perceive your social image. Be a good person, but don’t waste time trying to prove it. Your social image is a huge part of you, but it’s not all of you. Only fools will believe it’s otherwise.
Social bashing and online trolling can be immensely depressing. But like Paulo Coelho said “Haters are confused admirers who don’t understand why everybody likes you”. They are the ones that know you are better than them and feel the need to pull you down. They are empty from within and that is all they can give you. They hate on you because they see you enjoying the success they don’t have from the work that they have’nt done. Being a jerk on the internet just because you can is not cool. Remember how beautiful it is to be silent when someone expects you to be enraged. Remember why you began your journey; think of the people who made it possible and don’t be affected by negativity because if they don’t know you personally, you should not be taking it personally.
Lastly, we are not here to compete with one another. We may be writing about the same things but we are all unique in our own ways. Support, empower and uplift other fellow bloggers. Whether you start small and end big or find overnight success, you are part of a loyal community without which you wouldn’t exist. Your identity springs from your readers, most of who are bloggers themselves. Respect their loyalty and their work, learn from them, grow by collaborating with them, take pictures for them, and give them constructive feedback. Your only competition is you – in every walk of life.
Negativity has an invisible grasp over our minds and bodies. It can get into our bones and scavenge us from within. It has the power to destroy whatever comes in its path. What consumes your mind, controls your life. So stop thinking of negative people, negative outcomes, and negative opinions. Think like a proton. Always positive.
Let your success or failure not affect the soul of you. Hold yourself to high standards of humility and self-respect. But, when the time comes to defend your stand or fight your battles, don’t sit still. Stay humble, but with a pinch of cayenne. Always remember, the trollers, body shamers and haters will help build your character, strength and identity. In learning to ignore them, you will have achieved the highest state of self-calm, inner peace and ultimate nirvana.
So, don’t change a thing. Do what you do, the way you do it. Be who you always were. Focus on all the love. XOXO