It is not unusual to feel like a complete loser post baby. Disheveled hair, PJs in dire need of laundry, and bloodshot eyes are customary new mom features. Freebies include lipid bonuses from midnight snacking and loss of self-esteem from stalking Kim K’s IG. I was so certain that I was going to be different from this preconceived notion of a new mom. But, my assumptions were far from the truth, from how reality unfolded and turned me into a momster.
Always conscious of chipped nail paint and aghast at the thought of ever going kohl-less, my need to always be dressed on point and do perfect hair flips was dampened by my newborn’s unending demands. I was that ghastly looking, torture inflicted, sobbing-for-no-reason mom that I had feared I would become post baby. I was the antithesis of my predictions. The postpartum pandemonium had engulfed me in its tide, only to leave me washed up ashore as an avatar of myself that I couldn’t recognize.
To say that I have bounced back would be ending this blog post on an obvious note, but let’s put the journey rather than the destination into perspective.
Waking up one fine day to find a torn down, resentful, disillusioned version of yourself is scary. Experiencing life at the rate of 10 wtf’s per hour can’t be fun. But knowing that you need to get your sass back on is essential. Real divas don’t do drama, they do business. So whatever you agenda – don’t dream it, plan it.
Start with positivity and gratitude. As lame as it sounds, you are going nowhere without the right attitude.
Begin by building a new identity – not of a wife or a mother, but of a woman on a mission. Find something you love and immerse yourself in it. Be somebody nobody thought you could be.
Next, connect with friends that remind you of all the good things that you are made up of. Feel encouraged, appreciated and motivated. Say goodbye to naggers, eye-rollers and negative influencers.
Next, make selfish me-time. Develop a new hobby, learn a new skill or search for inspiration. Find an outlet to release the stress, to convert your frustration into creativity.
Don’t take mommy life too seriously. You cannot be everything for everyone at all times. And that’s okay. If you could make everyone happy, you would be an ‘avocado on toast’.
To flourish, nourish your mind and body. Eat clean. Do squats, so your ass matches your sass. Start with the yoga mat that’s catching dust in the store room.
Trust yourself and your instincts. Go out there and put your theories to test. Find solutions to the problems that are stopping you from breaking the wall and going out.
Stop whining and start working on yourself. Don’t be two scoops of grumpy in a bowl full of bitchy in the morning. Instead, go hustle. It won’t come easy and there may be a gazillion reasons why you think you might fail, but focus on best case scenarios. Hustle till your haters ask if you are hiring.
Take the plunge. Take your chances. You deserve to be the same person you were once. You might have lost yourself, but as long as you have the will to find yourself again, you can’t go wrong.
Compare yourself only to an older version of you – set realistic goals to keep yourself motivated. Start with the resources in hand, however small or inconspicuous. The will comes before the skill.
Don’t give yourself excuses. Fail if you have to. Be judged. Be envied or emulated. Whatever you do, find that happiness deep inside of you that you know is missing.
Fall in love with yourself once again. Thick thighs, pretty eyes and all. You may look like a potato today, but as time goes by and you get better at mommy things, one day you will turn into fries and everyone will want you then.
Make a conscious effort to make someone else happy today. Get them a cup of coffee, lift them at their low points or call them to say hello. Spreading love is bringing more of it into your life. Be happy and see how it drives people crazy.
Lastly, stop caring about what they think of you. Stay in the company of uplifting souls. Let the negativity bounce off your brightness.
These moments of great revelation will come to you slowly, one at a time – an epiphany that will make you feel positive about change, the possibility and probability of it. You will want to be the badass girl that you were too lazy to be yesterday. It’s as simple as not wearing makeup for a week and then putting on some mascara and being like ‘Move over Beyoncé, mama’s back!’